Evolution of My Therianthropy
Originally written November 28, 2011
Years ago, when I first learned about the term Therianthropy and then began applying it to myself and my experiences, I thought of myself simply as a wolf in a human body. Reasons why or how it happened were less of a concern and I simply was. My journey to discover anything and everything about this part of myself led me to occasionally have evidence that suggested how it happened or even why, dating back to evidence from my childhood of animal-like tendencies. Although at the heart of it all, I still just continued to be. I functioned normally enough, despite instincts and urges to the contrary.
Doubting and constantly wanting personal verification that I wasn’t making it all up allowed me to research my experiences. So here and there I have some reasons and a few explanations, not the least of which are spiritual, psychological, reincarnation, mythological, just because, etc. But at the end of the day, 10 years later, I still don’t have concrete answers as to the whys and hows of identifying as a therian. And I’m still mostly okay with that.
That aside, I noticed recently that while I started out as a wolf therian, I’ve somehow grown into, or evolved rather, into a werewolf/wolf Otherkin, which is different. For example, the mental shifts, albeit how rarely I used to experience them, are gone and have been for some time. This feels different than a wolf therian or how I used to experience being a wolf therian.
I used to feel distant from normal humans because I thought I was a wolf trapped in a human body. The idiosyncrasies of human society, hell, even of the basic workings of the human brain, baffled me. Something was absent in my human body-to-wolf mindset; a missing mental synapse or basic human cultural understanding, something separated me from every other human I knew. My instincts were different; for example a normal human female would want to go shopping with friends on a Saturday afternoon, I had to fight the impulse to chase squirrels to kill and eat them on a regular basis. I felt like I was wired wrong to be functioning in human society. My human body wasn’t quite right either.
After learning to live with these feelings of being “other” and simply being weirder than all my friends, I came to accept my own eccentricities as just another facet of my personality. I was a wolf in a human body and, strange as that is, that was all. And life moved on.
Lately though, as I’ve been delving back into self discovery and exploration, I find that my Therianthropy has once again evolved. Where it was first a new thing, fresh and exciting, to where it grew into normal everyday acceptance, social faux pas and all, into what it is currently, a new level of immersion with the wilderness within and self-creating mythology.
Self-created mythology, that seems to perfectly describe where I’m at right now. I’m not sure I can still think of myself as just a wolf therian any more without taking into account my leanings toward Otherkin and that end of the identify spectrum. While I hesitate to shirk the label of Therianthropy completely, which I’ve been comfortable with for many years, I also find that it doesn’t 100% describe me or my experiences any more. And without getting into too much of my personal mythology, simply using the term ‘werewolf’ doesn’t cut the mustard either.
So I find myself at another identity crossroads, continuing to evolve in my therian/Otherkin identity into something neither wholly wolf therian nor werewolf Otherkin. I still feel like I’m wired wrong for human society, but now it seems more like I’m from a different culture than from a completely different species. There is still that too; wolf is definitely not human and vice versa. And there are still things I will never understand about the human condition, but more so it seems like I’m an outsider watching rather than being completely separated.
I am human; at the very least physically, yet something else lurks under my skin and behind my eyes. I like to think that it’s part of the wilderness that humans have forgotten. Perhaps it’s a memory of the distant past of ways not like the ways of society today, but of hard earned food, war and fur; of drumming, dancing in the firelight and howling late into the night at the moon…
And while I love the term “Lupine” to describe my personal experiences, it really is the perfect term that combines both my Therianthropy experiences with werewolf lore and Otherkin, having to explain what I mean by that could get trying (although I have not attempted it). I guess there is no proper term yet. So for now, at this stage in the evolution of my Therianthropy, I am wolf therian/werewolf/weirdo/Lupine and that is acceptable.